This site is no longer maintained.
Please visit culturalhealing.blogspot.com instead.
This page is about losing the love that we have for ourselves, and some of the consequences that this can have.
It is also about regaining that love, and of self-healing.
I am using myself as an example. I hope that you will find it useful, and that you will respect my privacy.
My life made a clear turn from love towards fear roundabout the age of 13. The big turn from fear towards
love came in March 2014, at the age of 47. That´s 34 years of experience with fear, anxiety and self-hatred.
Pictures say more than a thousand words, but it´s easier to understand the pictures below if I first describe
the turn.
2013 was an OK year, but I was dependent on starting the day with a run in the forest followed by yoga and
meditation. I spent the two first hours of every day this way just to keep my anxiety at a manageable level.
Early 2014 an injury, the flu and winter storms put an end to my management strategy, and I found
myself in direct contact with a fear, anxiety and self-hatred perhaps more intense than ever before.
The whole of January and February passed this way. Now and then I had clear moments where I was able
to understand much of what I was experiencing. Early March, very clear memories of friendships from my
childhood started to appear. Some of the friendships were unhealthy, but two of them were real pearls.
Jon was a very mild, open and sensitive boy. I could see exactly what he felt by the expression on his face,
and I really enjoyed his company.
Morten had the same mild, open and sensitive nature. He enjoyed singing, playing his guitar and composing
songs. He had long brown hair and had the appearance of a “beautiful” boy.
These two childhood friends had a very strong presence in my consciousness for several days,
and this had a soothing effect on my anxiety. Then one morning I woke up in an absolutely wonderful state.
I was filled with an intense love, and I could sense my whole body from top to toe all at once.
There was no anxiety or self-hatred what so ever. Instead I felt very mild, very sensitive, and very clear.
I was in direct contact with a part of my nature that our culture deems as “feminine”.
I had experienced something similar once before, but back then I just could not relate to it.
This time I had the courage to embrace it fully, and admit to myself that this was indeed a vital
part of my true nature.
All these years I had not been true to myself, and the price that I had paid for this was staggering.
Having turned I needed to understand more, so I dug into my mothers big box of old photo-negatives,
not just settling for what was already in her albums, and came up with a treasure of pictures.
They very much confirmed what I had just experienced.
Please visit culturalhealing.blogspot.com instead.
This page is about losing the love that we have for ourselves, and some of the consequences that this can have.
It is also about regaining that love, and of self-healing.
I am using myself as an example. I hope that you will find it useful, and that you will respect my privacy.
My life made a clear turn from love towards fear roundabout the age of 13. The big turn from fear towards
love came in March 2014, at the age of 47. That´s 34 years of experience with fear, anxiety and self-hatred.
Pictures say more than a thousand words, but it´s easier to understand the pictures below if I first describe
the turn.
2013 was an OK year, but I was dependent on starting the day with a run in the forest followed by yoga and
meditation. I spent the two first hours of every day this way just to keep my anxiety at a manageable level.
Early 2014 an injury, the flu and winter storms put an end to my management strategy, and I found
myself in direct contact with a fear, anxiety and self-hatred perhaps more intense than ever before.
The whole of January and February passed this way. Now and then I had clear moments where I was able
to understand much of what I was experiencing. Early March, very clear memories of friendships from my
childhood started to appear. Some of the friendships were unhealthy, but two of them were real pearls.
Jon was a very mild, open and sensitive boy. I could see exactly what he felt by the expression on his face,
and I really enjoyed his company.
Morten had the same mild, open and sensitive nature. He enjoyed singing, playing his guitar and composing
songs. He had long brown hair and had the appearance of a “beautiful” boy.
These two childhood friends had a very strong presence in my consciousness for several days,
and this had a soothing effect on my anxiety. Then one morning I woke up in an absolutely wonderful state.
I was filled with an intense love, and I could sense my whole body from top to toe all at once.
There was no anxiety or self-hatred what so ever. Instead I felt very mild, very sensitive, and very clear.
I was in direct contact with a part of my nature that our culture deems as “feminine”.
I had experienced something similar once before, but back then I just could not relate to it.
This time I had the courage to embrace it fully, and admit to myself that this was indeed a vital
part of my true nature.
All these years I had not been true to myself, and the price that I had paid for this was staggering.
Having turned I needed to understand more, so I dug into my mothers big box of old photo-negatives,
not just settling for what was already in her albums, and came up with a treasure of pictures.
They very much confirmed what I had just experienced.
 |
| Picture 1. |
to find it.
It´s cut out from a very old b/w class photo.
I was 7 years old and living in Sweden.
The picture shows a mild and slightly dreamy
nature.
If the boys played too rough, I would go and play
with the girls.
 |
| Picture 2. |
exclusion method. Finding myself in the middle of the back row, infront of the tree in the flag, surprised me a lot.
I had never seen myself this way as an adult. I actually had a natural smile on my face and radiated a fair degree
of harmony. I remember the class as being a generally harmonious one.
At this point I was 10 years old and living in Australia.
 |
| Picture 3. |
It was taken the same day as the class photo above.
There was just no way in the world that I could
possibly hate the being in this picture!
My last trace of self-hatred simply disappeared!
For the first time as an adult I was able to recognise
my true self in a picture. I am still like this inside!
Protected by a core family and a friendly society I
was very mild, open, highly sensitive, and creative
in an imaginative way.
There were some boys from another class who got
a sadistic kick from teasing me. Now I can better
understand why. I didn´tlook and behave quite
the way a boy should. I was boy and girl in one.
Entering 5th grade I was taller than all my peers.
The harrasment had only been brief, and now it
was no longer any problem.
Going into puberty at this early age probably saved
me some agony.
 |
| Picture 4. |
at the age of 12.
I have an older and a younger brother.
About 1,5 years into puberty I was still true to my
own nature.
In this picture I could have had a long pony tail
and a sling-shot around my neck.
Both would have suited me just fine.
I can imagine getting my hair tangled up in the sling-
shot and asking my brothers to help untangle me!
 |
| Picture 5. |
I include it because it marks a turning point.
I was 13 and living in Denmark.
The lovely lady in the picture is a distant cousin.
My parent´s marriage was falling apart, and the
sense of security that I had enjoyed within the
family was fading. I compensated by living more
in my head.
Higher levels of testosterone was changing me
rapidly and was giving me lots of pimples.
I had a physical advantage over most of my peers
in almost all sports, and had started to build
an arrogant competitive ego. Such an ego is a
shure sign of insecurity and low self esteem.
I had clearly begun to supress the mild and sensitive
side of my nature, in favour of a more masculine
gender role based on mental control, a role more
suited for survival.
My mother was the traditional housewife without any education. My father was the equally traditional solo
provider that the whole family depended on. He had never really wished to become a father, it just “happened”,
and after the divorce he did not seek custody of any of us children.
There was plenty of help available from the Danish welfare system, but my mother was too proud to receive it.
Instead she accepted an offer from an old Swedish aquaintance to move in with him. He had never had a family
of his own, and now he saw his chance.
My older brother, who was 17 at the time, was fed up with moving from place to place, and decided to take up
education at a boarding-school.
My mother, my younger brother and I moved to a small monocultural town in Sweden. The people living here
were generally nice, but I just did not fit in. I had adapted and readapted so many times. Australia was still in
my heart and I was not willing to adapt to this new society. I became very lonely.
Up til now my self-esteem had been based on my own self-acceptance and the acceptance I received from
others. Now I only had my own self-acceptance to lean on, and it just was not strong enough.
My mothers aquaintance had a problem with alcohol, and this added to my insecurity. I compensated by
living even more in my head, hardening myself, and thereby moving even further away from my true nature.
I began focusing more on school work using mental control to get top grades in everything.
The only time when I was truly myself was in the arts- and crafts-classes. Everything else was just killing time.
provider that the whole family depended on. He had never really wished to become a father, it just “happened”,
and after the divorce he did not seek custody of any of us children.
There was plenty of help available from the Danish welfare system, but my mother was too proud to receive it.
Instead she accepted an offer from an old Swedish aquaintance to move in with him. He had never had a family
of his own, and now he saw his chance.
My older brother, who was 17 at the time, was fed up with moving from place to place, and decided to take up
education at a boarding-school.
My mother, my younger brother and I moved to a small monocultural town in Sweden. The people living here
were generally nice, but I just did not fit in. I had adapted and readapted so many times. Australia was still in
my heart and I was not willing to adapt to this new society. I became very lonely.
Up til now my self-esteem had been based on my own self-acceptance and the acceptance I received from
others. Now I only had my own self-acceptance to lean on, and it just was not strong enough.
My mothers aquaintance had a problem with alcohol, and this added to my insecurity. I compensated by
living even more in my head, hardening myself, and thereby moving even further away from my true nature.
I began focusing more on school work using mental control to get top grades in everything.
The only time when I was truly myself was in the arts- and crafts-classes. Everything else was just killing time.
 |
| Picture 6. |
an electronics technician at the age of 20.
It should have been a day of joy and celebration,
but joy as such had been absent for quite a while.
I got good grades, but it had cost me an enormous
amount of energy, as my choise of education had
been purely a mental one.
I wasn´t following my heart.
Deep down inside I knew that I had gone far astray,
but I just could not admit it.
My emotional collapse is fairly clear in this picture.
High anxiety-induced levels of testosterone had
taken its toll on my appearance, and I had great
difficulty in recognising the person in the mirror.
 |
| Picture 7. |
At age 25 I was hiding behind thick glasses, a mustach, side-burns, and wearing over-sized clothes.
I was working long hours in a demanding job and was highly recognised for my professional abilities.
Living entirely in my mind, I was managing everything by mental control fueled by large amounts of sugar.
I was constantly afraid of my mental control failing, as this would cause my whole world to come crashing
down over me. My strategy for managing my anxiety left me with a hard, verbally hostile, intolerant and
often arrogant manner. Smiles and laughes were very rare.
• How is it possible for the being in picture 3 to turn into the person in picture 7 ?
• How is it possible for the three males in picture 7 to have the same parents ?
Some of the answers to these questions can be found in the text accompanying the pictures, and in the notes
addressing specific issues further down on this page.
Some of the answers I simply don´t have – yet. This will be work in progress.
My brothers and I have much of the same genetics, but the big differences lie in our inner emotional workings
and the timing of events.
There has not been any abuse, and if there has been any neglect it was due to ordinary human limitations.
I wish I could describe in detail how I gradually lost most of the love that I had for myself, and how fear
grew correspondingly to take its place. Perhaps I can do this later. Right now I can just see that this is what
has happened.
Gradually I suppressed my true nature, and turned into a person that I had great difficulty in loving and
accepting. As my self-love faded, so did my inner sense of security. Ordinary worries and uncertainties grew
way out of proportion and turned into fears. Fear became an ever growing factor in all the decisions that I made,
thereby integrating itself into every aspect of my life. I was locked into a downward going spiral that fed on itself.
• How is it possible for the three males in picture 7 to have the same parents ?
Some of the answers to these questions can be found in the text accompanying the pictures, and in the notes
addressing specific issues further down on this page.
Some of the answers I simply don´t have – yet. This will be work in progress.
My brothers and I have much of the same genetics, but the big differences lie in our inner emotional workings
and the timing of events.
There has not been any abuse, and if there has been any neglect it was due to ordinary human limitations.
I wish I could describe in detail how I gradually lost most of the love that I had for myself, and how fear
grew correspondingly to take its place. Perhaps I can do this later. Right now I can just see that this is what
has happened.
Gradually I suppressed my true nature, and turned into a person that I had great difficulty in loving and
accepting. As my self-love faded, so did my inner sense of security. Ordinary worries and uncertainties grew
way out of proportion and turned into fears. Fear became an ever growing factor in all the decisions that I made,
thereby integrating itself into every aspect of my life. I was locked into a downward going spiral that fed on itself.
Self-deception and denial.
Self-deception is driven by fear, is heavily based on denial, and is the most common form of deception.
Any attempt to deceive others always starts with some kind of self-deception.
At the age of 28, after 8 intensive years in the mobile phone industry, I went down with stress.
My whole digestive system gave up on me. My colon became inflamed and painfully bloated.
I lost weight rapidly. My energy was gone and so was my self-confidence. I finally gave up on finding
a mental/medical solution and asked my older brother for help. He had been trying to tell me that my
symptoms were psychosomatic, but I had to go all the way down and bite the grass before I could admit it.
After only a few months of alternative therapy, working with body, mind and emotions as one, all my physical
symptoms were gone, but the whole experience had turned my world upside down.
My oversized intellect had failed miserably.
I continued with alternative therapy, as I had a lot of personal evolution to catch up on. I wanted to learn
more about other aspects of my humanity that I previously could not relate to with my very mental/scientific
approach to life.
I started to build a new life, but my self-deception was still very strong, and I could not see how fragile my
new foundation was. I was merely putting a thin lid on my fear and self-hatred.
After 7 years, at the age of 35, I had seemingly gained enough love for myself that I could wish to find
someone to care for. I had previously felt unworthy of this. Via a dating-site I met a lovely woman.
We were very different, but there was still a deep mutual recognition, and we had a strong longing in common.
With time we grew very close, and ended up spending more than 10 years together.
Our differences led us both to make some severe compromises, and we often struggled to keep our balance,
but we also had many beautiful and magical moments together. The wonderful bubbling sensation I often had
in my chest when holding her close is still something I would like to call love, even though it rested on
a very fragile foundation, and I was holding myself up artificially.
One day I went into therapy hoping to break a period of stagnation. Instead the thin lid I had kept on my
fear and self-hatred shattered. Confronted with such massive self-deception, I was overwhelmed by anger
and self-hatred. Love had vanished into thin air, and my mind was dominated by thoughts of self destruction.
I was totally honest with my partner, but I could no longer look into her eyes, and the only decent thing I
could do was to set her free. She still believed in us, she wanted for us to continue and she offered me her
full support, but the foundation for my part of our relationship was gone.
She gave up many things for me, and I am not very proud of having dragged this wonderful woman through
so many years of my self-deception.
The lid of denial that I had put on my fear and self-hatred was not completely air-tight.
In my early forties I had more or less admitted to being very much controlled by fear.
In my mid forties, just after our relationship was over, I was very aware of just how little love I
had for myself, and that this was the reason why fear and anxiety could dominate my entire life.
Self-deception is driven by fear, is heavily based on denial, and is the most common form of deception.
Any attempt to deceive others always starts with some kind of self-deception.
At the age of 28, after 8 intensive years in the mobile phone industry, I went down with stress.
My whole digestive system gave up on me. My colon became inflamed and painfully bloated.
I lost weight rapidly. My energy was gone and so was my self-confidence. I finally gave up on finding
a mental/medical solution and asked my older brother for help. He had been trying to tell me that my
symptoms were psychosomatic, but I had to go all the way down and bite the grass before I could admit it.
After only a few months of alternative therapy, working with body, mind and emotions as one, all my physical
symptoms were gone, but the whole experience had turned my world upside down.
My oversized intellect had failed miserably.
I continued with alternative therapy, as I had a lot of personal evolution to catch up on. I wanted to learn
more about other aspects of my humanity that I previously could not relate to with my very mental/scientific
approach to life.
I started to build a new life, but my self-deception was still very strong, and I could not see how fragile my
new foundation was. I was merely putting a thin lid on my fear and self-hatred.
After 7 years, at the age of 35, I had seemingly gained enough love for myself that I could wish to find
someone to care for. I had previously felt unworthy of this. Via a dating-site I met a lovely woman.
We were very different, but there was still a deep mutual recognition, and we had a strong longing in common.
With time we grew very close, and ended up spending more than 10 years together.
Our differences led us both to make some severe compromises, and we often struggled to keep our balance,
but we also had many beautiful and magical moments together. The wonderful bubbling sensation I often had
in my chest when holding her close is still something I would like to call love, even though it rested on
a very fragile foundation, and I was holding myself up artificially.
One day I went into therapy hoping to break a period of stagnation. Instead the thin lid I had kept on my
fear and self-hatred shattered. Confronted with such massive self-deception, I was overwhelmed by anger
and self-hatred. Love had vanished into thin air, and my mind was dominated by thoughts of self destruction.
I was totally honest with my partner, but I could no longer look into her eyes, and the only decent thing I
could do was to set her free. She still believed in us, she wanted for us to continue and she offered me her
full support, but the foundation for my part of our relationship was gone.
She gave up many things for me, and I am not very proud of having dragged this wonderful woman through
so many years of my self-deception.
The lid of denial that I had put on my fear and self-hatred was not completely air-tight.
In my early forties I had more or less admitted to being very much controlled by fear.
In my mid forties, just after our relationship was over, I was very aware of just how little love I
had for myself, and that this was the reason why fear and anxiety could dominate my entire life.
So how far am I now in September 2014?
The day of the big turn in March 2014, and the following couple of days, were truly magical. The magic has
since faded quite a bit, but those days gave me a good taste of what is possible, and I am still optimistic.
I no longer wake up dreading the day and hating myself, and for this I am very grateful!
I can now recognise my own eyes in the mirror most of the time, as they are no longer as hard and hostile as
they used to be. Physically I am not an adult version of the being in picture 3. My face has changed beyond
recognition. When I lost so much of my inner harmony so early in life, I could no longer evolve in a harmonious
way, even if I had good genes.
If I can gain a bit of inner grace, I still have a good chance of ageing gracefully.
The feeling of meaninglessness is still fairly strong, so I need to focus on the things that really matter.
Letting go of unnecessary possessions is now much easier, and simple living is now more of a natural choice,
not a sacrifice.
Inside of me fear still has a clear presence, and I still have a low keyed anxiety. After so many years, the
patterns created by fear and anxiety seem lodged in every cell of my body. Reversing the process and
healing the damage is a huge challenge.
I will probably never be completely free of self-deception, but the clarity that I have when love is strong makes
a very noticeable difference. Love and truth are two sides of the same coin. If I lose or just don´t want one of
them, I will also lose the other.
I try to be as true to my own nature as possible, no matter the consequences. There really is no way back.
Out in the forest and in nature in general, I can sense my basic natural humanity, and it is totally lovable!
I am grateful that I can still move about freely, sensing the wonderful creation that this planet is. It is in
natural surroundings that my understanding grows. It is here that I find the clarity I need to write these pages.
I wish to be a complete human being, with a complete set of human qualities, and a complete set of human
emotions, all expressed with natural individuality.
I wish to find my way back to the imaginative creativity that I had before I became dominated by fear.
Using my creativity is a healing process in itself. If I can use it to support myself, I will have a greater
freedom to carefully choose my interaction with the fear based culture around me.
The day of the big turn in March 2014, and the following couple of days, were truly magical. The magic has
since faded quite a bit, but those days gave me a good taste of what is possible, and I am still optimistic.
I no longer wake up dreading the day and hating myself, and for this I am very grateful!
I can now recognise my own eyes in the mirror most of the time, as they are no longer as hard and hostile as
they used to be. Physically I am not an adult version of the being in picture 3. My face has changed beyond
recognition. When I lost so much of my inner harmony so early in life, I could no longer evolve in a harmonious
way, even if I had good genes.
If I can gain a bit of inner grace, I still have a good chance of ageing gracefully.
The feeling of meaninglessness is still fairly strong, so I need to focus on the things that really matter.
Letting go of unnecessary possessions is now much easier, and simple living is now more of a natural choice,
not a sacrifice.
Inside of me fear still has a clear presence, and I still have a low keyed anxiety. After so many years, the
patterns created by fear and anxiety seem lodged in every cell of my body. Reversing the process and
healing the damage is a huge challenge.
I will probably never be completely free of self-deception, but the clarity that I have when love is strong makes
a very noticeable difference. Love and truth are two sides of the same coin. If I lose or just don´t want one of
them, I will also lose the other.
I try to be as true to my own nature as possible, no matter the consequences. There really is no way back.
Out in the forest and in nature in general, I can sense my basic natural humanity, and it is totally lovable!
I am grateful that I can still move about freely, sensing the wonderful creation that this planet is. It is in
natural surroundings that my understanding grows. It is here that I find the clarity I need to write these pages.
I wish to be a complete human being, with a complete set of human qualities, and a complete set of human
emotions, all expressed with natural individuality.
I wish to find my way back to the imaginative creativity that I had before I became dominated by fear.
Using my creativity is a healing process in itself. If I can use it to support myself, I will have a greater
freedom to carefully choose my interaction with the fear based culture around me.
On being true to our own nature.
In my case it´s mainly a question of being true to my androgynous nature, which is fairly clear in the pictures,
instead of hiding behind a stereotype gender role. This is far easier said than done, as the social pressure to
conform to one of the two gender roles is enormous.
Our culture expects us to split our human qualities into two groups, one regarded as female, and the other
regarded as male. We are expected to suppress one group of qualities and emphasize the other, depending
on our physical appearance at birth.
This is a very central part of traditional cultural adaption, and for some of us it is a very painful process!
In my case it´s mainly a question of being true to my androgynous nature, which is fairly clear in the pictures,
instead of hiding behind a stereotype gender role. This is far easier said than done, as the social pressure to
conform to one of the two gender roles is enormous.
Our culture expects us to split our human qualities into two groups, one regarded as female, and the other
regarded as male. We are expected to suppress one group of qualities and emphasize the other, depending
on our physical appearance at birth.
This is a very central part of traditional cultural adaption, and for some of us it is a very painful process!
On Love and Fear.
We are all born with a generous amount of love inside us. As long as we maintain our self-love, we have a
basic sense of inner security. We will know and probably experience common fears such as fear of falling,
fear of starving,fear of losing someone dear, but fear will never become dominant, and we will never develop
anxiety. We are not easily controlled and manipulated, and we will not just do as we are told without question.
We will treat ourselves and others lovingly.
Love is the strongest healing force that we have, and it is often in situations where we need to heal ourselves,
that we discover how much or how little love we really have inside.
Splitting our human qualities into two groups, and suppressing one of them, is a very unloving way
to treat ourselves. Our self-love has to become very small before we can do this to ourselves.
With very little love inside us, there is little to prevent fear from growing and becoming dominant.
Our culture is constantly adding fuel to our fear, and as it grows, with time it will become more anonymous
and start to deposit itself in our bodies as anxiety.
Anxiety can feel like a constantly noisy physical tinnitus. It can be outrageously unpleasant and pacifying.
We know what can make it worse, and how to avoid these things, but it doesn´t have a clear face like our
fears do, and it´s very difficult to understand and describe. For those of us who have it, it is very real,
and it colours our entire picture of the world.
If we learn to associate fear and anxiety with being human, we may learn to hate our own humanity.
If we have this kind of hatred, it is our culturally adapted personality that we have learned to hate.
By nature we are still just as lovable as the day we were born!
Peeling off our cultural adaption, layer by layer, will bring us back to the human being that we once loved.
We humans tend not to be very honest about our fear. Most of us will do our best to conceal it, as fear is the
largest taboo in our cultures, something we last want to talk about. All other taboos originate from this one
single taboo.
A dog is far more honest. If it feels safe and secure, it will be friendly and may want to play or cuddle.
If it feels insecure and afraid, it may put its tail between its legs, but it can also become very hostile
and aggressive.
Fear can make a dog hostile and aggressive.
Fear is what makes us humans hard, hostile and aggressive.
If you could take a macho man and free him of his fear, which would require giving him his self-love back,
his character would change dramatically.
With a stronger self-love he would also have a stronger inner sense of security.
A strong inner sense of security would allow him to relax and be mild, gentle, open, receptive, sensitive and
caring. This is our natural state of being, and it is very pleasant.
Hostility and aggression are just two of the many faces of fear, but they are important since our history is
plagued by them.
Fear also has a face in the form of rigid beliefs. We are not born with such beliefs. We reach out to beliefs
and hold on to them as our self-love diminishes and we become more and more insecure.
Imagine a dialog between a couple of parents and their young child:
Parents:- We have a way for you to better cope with your fear. It is called “beliefs”.
Our beliefs will help you to feel more secure.
Child:- But I don´t have your fear, and I feel secure enough, so I don´t need your beliefs.
Parents:- We will teach you to fear the way we do.
Then you will be more than willing to adopt our beliefs.
That way you will see the world as we do, and you will behave the way we do.
Our family will be united by our beliefs, and you will fit well into our culture.
As young children we will try to resist the pressure, but many of us will give in to an extent
where we are more guided by fear than by love.
I am glad to have met some wonderful families who have come very far in breaking this cultural pattern.
The stronger the fear, the more beliefs we will need to manage it, and the more rigid these beliefs will be.
In regions of the world where fear is very strong, entire cultures are based on rigid beliefs.
Having the courage to question our beliefs is having the courage to face our fear.
I respect all those who have this courage. I fully understand those who don´t.
My best wishes for your continued journey,
Simon.
PS.
There are two additional tabs at the top of this page called “Cultural Adaption” and “Creative Empowerment”.
These pages go deeper into some of the issues mentioned above.
These pages are not open to comments.
I remember how fiercely I defended my own fear management strategy.
Instead I would like to discuss these topics in dedicated forums elsewhere on the internet.
We are all born with a generous amount of love inside us. As long as we maintain our self-love, we have a
basic sense of inner security. We will know and probably experience common fears such as fear of falling,
fear of starving,fear of losing someone dear, but fear will never become dominant, and we will never develop
anxiety. We are not easily controlled and manipulated, and we will not just do as we are told without question.
We will treat ourselves and others lovingly.
Love is the strongest healing force that we have, and it is often in situations where we need to heal ourselves,
that we discover how much or how little love we really have inside.
Splitting our human qualities into two groups, and suppressing one of them, is a very unloving way
to treat ourselves. Our self-love has to become very small before we can do this to ourselves.
With very little love inside us, there is little to prevent fear from growing and becoming dominant.
Our culture is constantly adding fuel to our fear, and as it grows, with time it will become more anonymous
and start to deposit itself in our bodies as anxiety.
Anxiety can feel like a constantly noisy physical tinnitus. It can be outrageously unpleasant and pacifying.
We know what can make it worse, and how to avoid these things, but it doesn´t have a clear face like our
fears do, and it´s very difficult to understand and describe. For those of us who have it, it is very real,
and it colours our entire picture of the world.
If we learn to associate fear and anxiety with being human, we may learn to hate our own humanity.
If we have this kind of hatred, it is our culturally adapted personality that we have learned to hate.
By nature we are still just as lovable as the day we were born!
Peeling off our cultural adaption, layer by layer, will bring us back to the human being that we once loved.
We humans tend not to be very honest about our fear. Most of us will do our best to conceal it, as fear is the
largest taboo in our cultures, something we last want to talk about. All other taboos originate from this one
single taboo.
A dog is far more honest. If it feels safe and secure, it will be friendly and may want to play or cuddle.
If it feels insecure and afraid, it may put its tail between its legs, but it can also become very hostile
and aggressive.
Fear can make a dog hostile and aggressive.
Fear is what makes us humans hard, hostile and aggressive.
If you could take a macho man and free him of his fear, which would require giving him his self-love back,
his character would change dramatically.
With a stronger self-love he would also have a stronger inner sense of security.
A strong inner sense of security would allow him to relax and be mild, gentle, open, receptive, sensitive and
caring. This is our natural state of being, and it is very pleasant.
Hostility and aggression are just two of the many faces of fear, but they are important since our history is
plagued by them.
Fear also has a face in the form of rigid beliefs. We are not born with such beliefs. We reach out to beliefs
and hold on to them as our self-love diminishes and we become more and more insecure.
Imagine a dialog between a couple of parents and their young child:
Parents:- We have a way for you to better cope with your fear. It is called “beliefs”.
Our beliefs will help you to feel more secure.
Child:- But I don´t have your fear, and I feel secure enough, so I don´t need your beliefs.
Parents:- We will teach you to fear the way we do.
Then you will be more than willing to adopt our beliefs.
That way you will see the world as we do, and you will behave the way we do.
Our family will be united by our beliefs, and you will fit well into our culture.
As young children we will try to resist the pressure, but many of us will give in to an extent
where we are more guided by fear than by love.
I am glad to have met some wonderful families who have come very far in breaking this cultural pattern.
The stronger the fear, the more beliefs we will need to manage it, and the more rigid these beliefs will be.
In regions of the world where fear is very strong, entire cultures are based on rigid beliefs.
Having the courage to question our beliefs is having the courage to face our fear.
I respect all those who have this courage. I fully understand those who don´t.
My best wishes for your continued journey,
Simon.
PS.
There are two additional tabs at the top of this page called “Cultural Adaption” and “Creative Empowerment”.
These pages go deeper into some of the issues mentioned above.
These pages are not open to comments.
I remember how fiercely I defended my own fear management strategy.
Instead I would like to discuss these topics in dedicated forums elsewhere on the internet.